The most preposterous thing,
I ever did see,
was a yellow-spotted,
ruby-breasted,
ring-necked,
wallaby.
He was sitting in a tree.
In fact,
he was staring at me.
Behind a leafy disguise,
he hid amongst the branches.
Always watching,
with those beady eyes.
In fact,
they were blue,
as blue as the skies.
By the way,
he spoke Chinese,
with incredible ease,
and rode a tricycle at the circus.
In fact,
he was king of the trapeze.
He also wore a hat.
Come to think of it,
when he wore that hat,
he resembled an educated cat.
In fact,
he was surly and quite fat.
He made a squawk.
Which is far more obnoxious,
than a Monday morning alarm clock.
In fact,
he made it twice.
And honestly,
it wasn’t that nice.
Suddenly,
that’s when it started.
He flipped,
jumped about and darted.
From branch to branch,
I became his target.
He hurled fruit,
and plenty of it.
The fruit hit me on the elbow,
belly,
big-toe,
and face.
There were peels,
juice,
and pulp,
all over the place.
In fact,
I could take no more,
which is exactly what I said...
That’s when I pulled out my gun.
It has a scope.
I aimed for his head.
Now before you scream,
and dive under your bed,
you need to know,
one very important thing…
My gun does not shoot lead.
My gun shoots bullets,
I will not lie.
But my bullets are made of caramel.
They don’t really hurt.
Unless they land in your eye.
That was my plan.
So,
I fired away.
In fact,
wallabies love caramel.
At least he did on that day.
He gobbled them up.
And swallowed them down.
His expression soon changed.
In fact,
he actually shed his frown.
We are now best friends.
We fight no more.
In fact,
we work together downtown,
at the candy store.
-January 1999-
